A husband and wife are one. What you do for the preacher, you should do for the wife. If the church loves me that means they have to love my wife. We have this habit of calling the pastor's wife “The First Lady” but don't seem to treat her that way. We must stop people from running up to us when our wives are with us and allow them to speak to us as though she were invisible.

by Dr. Henry Johnson

I have come to a point in ministry where I have to be a voice crying out in the wilderness to churches that ignore the pastor or preacher's wife. Most churches, when they are searching for a pastor, are looking for a man who meets the criteria of 1 Timothy 3:1-7. It reads as follows: 1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) 6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

These verses surely clarify who we need filling the pulpit. The strange thing is that we tend to skip, whether intentionally or not, the part that says, “the husband of one wife”. The pastor or preacher who is married has a woman beside him whom he loves and adores. He is willing to die for her. The pastor or preacher understands the words of Proverbs 18:22 which says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” We love our wives but question whether or not some in the congregation love her.

Let me rewind the clock for you so you will get an idea of what is going on in my spirit and where I am going with this. I have become very sensitive as a result of attending a class in the National Baptist Congress of Christian Workers. I was led to take a class that would help build an effective grief ministry in the church. While in the class, I met two pastor's widows. I listened intently to the instructor and others but was struck with comments about how the widows of pastors are treated. As a result, I began to think back through my ministry and experiences in the church. I discovered that many churches don't seem to respect or love the pastor or preacher's wife.

I can recall a pastor who died and the church didn't do anything to assist his wife. Soon after his funeral, they were trying to get her out of the parsonage as if she had no feelings or importance. I searched in my own ministry only to recall how in many instances people would acknowledge me but not the woman whom I am madly in love with. We have this habit of calling the pastor's wife “The First Lady” but don't seem to treat her that way. The pastor has an anniversary but “The First Lady” seldom is recognized in the celebration. People call our homes and our wives answer the phone. They say, “Can I speak to the pastor,” or to reverend, without even asking our wives how they are or acknowledging them in any way. I am concerned about this issue.

I want to appeal to preachers and pastors to help change this mindset. It starts with us! We must speak up for our wives and make people understand that she is important to us. I believe in the interview process we must make known the importance of our wives to the pulpit search committee and the congregation. They need to know that not only do you want to be taken care of but you want to make sure that your wife will be taken care of.

Let me make this simple. A husband and wife are one so what you do for the preacher you should do for the wife. If the church loves me that means they have to love my wife because we are one. As preachers and pastors, we must appeal to the church in the negotiating stage or writing of contracts to include a provision for the care of our wives should we be called from labor to reward. The church should be willing to provide some compensation to get her back with family and some monthly compensation for at least a year. We are often the sole income so when we pass, who will take care of our wives? We need to do it ahead of time to make sure she is cared for. There is a need for us to do some preparing for our wives too. We must get our affairs in order by having life insurance, savings, etc.

There is another area of concern. We must also make sure that people acknowledge who our wives are. We must stop people from running up to us when our wives are with us and allow them to speak to us as though she were invisible. When your anniversary come around, pastor, let the committee know that you want your “First Lady” acknowledged in the celebration.

I watched congregations and the way men are treating their wives. They treat them very well. People acknowledge the man and his wife. Why does that change with the preacher or pastor's wife? I am married too. I want my wife to be treated like the queen that she is, but I must champion the cause. I must acknowledge her and validate her not just through words but through actions. If a young man is trying to figure our what love is and what a happy marriage is, he should be able to see it in the marriage of the pastor or preacher's marriage. We should set the example.

Now to the church, the pastor and preachers are very dependent on their wives. When we hurt, they hurt with us. After a difficult business meeting, we run home to their arms for love and comfort and receive it. When our spirit is broken by difficult times or situations, they are there to help put us back together. I would go so far as to say without strong and loving wives many pastors and preachers would have given up long ago.

What I am trying to tell the members who make up local congregations is that your pastor and your preachers are married and their wives need to be loved and respected by you. The pastor's wife should be valued because she keeps your pastor looking good, feeling good, and working good. If you take her away, you would not have much for a pastor. If you call her the “First Lady,” treat her that way. If the pastor is called from labor to reward, please have compassion on her and extend the love you would want.

In closing, remember that the preacher is married too. He wants you to love him and his wife. He wants you to treat his wife with dignity and respect. This should come easy because she is your sister in Christ. We will be known by the way we love one another. It means our wives too.

Just Keeping It Real!

Reverend Dr. Henry Johnson
23 August 2003
doctorj@praisenet.org
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