While many pregnant teen girls at least
consider terminating their pregnancies, Mary’s
was a
pregnancy that likely would have been terminated had she not
taken direct action to prevent it. We like to make this story
about premarital sex, the shame and consequences. Making the
story of Mary and Joseph into a moral cautionary tale about sex
before marriage is, therefore, incredibly wrong and robs Mary of
what was likely a much higher level of courage and
self-sacrifice. Instead of the simplistic “Shame on you”
foolishness many of us take away from the story of Mary and
Joseph, a more accurate view presents a story of responsibility,
accountability, courage and faithfulness. These are qualities we
should all be striving, every day, to develop.
She
was fourteen. Maybe seventeen. And she was pregnant.
Alone with her thoughts while in the constant company of her
family (houses of that era were, commonly, a single room), Mary
must have had long periods of quiet panic as a child
inexplicably grew within her. She’d never had sex. She was, in
many ways, still a child herself, prone to uncontrollable
emotional swings. The bible has no record of her telling her
parents, her friends, her siblings. In the first trimester, she
likely did what many pregnant teens do: wear big clothes and
avoid too much scrutiny. But Mary was running out of time: her
father had arranged for her to be married to a carpenter she
likely barely knew. If her pregnancy was discovered, he
betrothed could back out of the wedding by accusing her of
adultery. For women of that era, an accusal of adultery meant an
instant conviction. No witnesses need be called. No DNA
tests. Only the testimony of the husband, who could just as
easily have tired of her or, arriving for his wedding, found the
girl to be unattractive, or maybe he’d met someone else he
wanted to marry but could only afford one wife. For any reason
the man chose he could accuse the woman of adultery and end the
marriage or, as in this case, the engagement. An accusal meant a
conviction and conviction could be punished by stoning. While
she had not told anyone else about the miraculous circumstances
of her pregnancy, Mary certainly knew she had to tell Joseph.
She had to get Joseph on board with the program. For, if she
failed to do that, she could be stoned to death, and the Divine
life she carried within her would end along with her own.
While many pregnant teen girls at least consider terminating
their pregnancies, Mary’s was a pregnancy that likely would have
been terminated had she not taken direct action to prevent it.
Close examination of this well-known but usually misinterpreted
story reveals Mary was likely less concerned about the shame a
woman’s premarital sex would have brought upon herself and less
concerned with the consequences to her own life than she likely
was concerned over the life of Jesus. We like to make this story
about premarital sex, the shame and consequences. What we
usually miss in that perspective is that the shame and
consequences were almost universally with the female, while,
under the Levitical Code of Holiness, the male could do pretty
much whatever he wanted sexually. Making the story of Mary and
Joseph into a moral cautionary tale about sex before marriage
is, therefore, incredibly wrong and robs Mary of what was likely
a much higher level of courage and self-sacrifice. There’s no
record of Mary being “in love” with Joseph. The two likely
hardly knew one another. However, marrying Joseph was
essential to the survival of Mary’s baby.
It was for that reason—the life of her unborn child—more than
any other that Mary took a chance and told her story for the
first time to anyone. She told Joseph, a man likely at least
twice her age, about the angel Gabriel who'd appeared to her and
told her she would conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit and
give birth to a Son, Whom she was to name “Jesus.” A devout Jew
who loved the Lord with all her heart, Mary felt unworthy of
being chosen for this amazing blessing, but accepted her mission
with gladness and thanksgiving.
What Joseph, a rugged day laborer and construction worker who
was pushing middle age, discovered upon his arrival was,
essentially, a pregnant teenage religious nut. While the bible
suggests Joseph was a devout Jew and a man after God’s own
heart, this kid with the big belly selling him this yarn about
angels and Holy Babies was likely a real stretch. The biblical
record of Joseph’s reaction suggests he did not initially
believe her. I mean, would you? While there is no biblical
record of this, virgin brides were routinely inspected by
matrons to certify their hymen was intact. Had Mary’s hymen not
been intact, the wedding would have been called off or,
certainly, red flagged. It is reasonable to conclude that Mary’s
hymen was, in fact, intact, lending credibility to her godly
claims, but it was most likely the appearance of an angel to
Joseph—his having the very experience Mary told him about—that
convinced him to move forward with the wedding.
How Old Was Joseph? Depicting Mary and Joseph as a pair of star-crossed teenage lovers is biblically inaccurate. Joseph was, likley, at least twice her age, and there is no testimony anywhere that they were "in love." In those days, the marriage contract was a business deal.
Not A Love Story
This was not a romantic story. There is no testimony to support the idea that Mary was "in love" with Joseph or
vice versa.
It is fair to say Mary was in love with God, and Joseph was certainly faithful to God. Whatever romantic thoughts either of them had,
toward each other or toward other people (it is reasonable to assume during her childhood Mary had a crush on at least one boy at some point),
were set aside, urges denied, in favor of achieving a greater good. Our mindset today is mostly about instant gratification; the abortion epidemic
being about mostly young people who cannot or simply will not deny themselves in the service of anything. We want what we want
and we want it now. Pregnancy, which far too many of us regard as some
unforeseen consequence or annoying side effect of sex,
leads too many people to not only not deny themselves in the service of a greater good but to also refuse to be accountable for that choice.
This is my main hang-up with abortion: not just the spiritual imperatives or moral wrongness but how selfish it is and how demonstrative
it is of this age's complete disrespect for God Himself. Nobody
sacrifices anymore. Nobody waits anymore. We save nothing, we plant nothing, we grow nothing. We simply indulge
every whim and every desire and then do whatever's necessary to avoid being accountable for any of it.
Joseph, the son of Heli (the Gospel of Matthew identifies his
father as “Jacob”), was likely at least twice Mary’s age and,
biblical scholars suggest, a widower with children from his
first wife (Jesus had four brothers, called the Desposyni, “Of
Or Belonging To The Master”) and, not mentioned in the bible,
two sisters. Classic depictions of St. Joseph portray him as
being much older than Mary, but the bible does not reveal
Joseph’s age. It is likely Joseph moved to Nazareth, a sleepy
village of 400 or less, in order to gain work at the ongoing
rebuilding of a nearby city named Sepphoris, (modern day
Tzippori), which had been sacked by the Romans around 4 BC and
was being rebuilt at the time of the Gospels. There is no
biblical reference to a first wife, but polygamy had been Jewish
custom (although it was frowned upon by the Roman occupiers, and
thus polygamy was more prominent and routine in the Old
Testament while New Testament marriages trended toward
monogamy).
Romantic notions of Mary and Joseph being these young,
star-crossed lovers are utter nonsense. Mary likely barely knew
Joseph who, by Jewish custom, may only have visited her a few
times prior to the wedding. In the biblical account of the
Passover visit to the Temple at Jerusalem, the family travels
more than a day before realizing Jesus is not with them, which
suggests they traveled in a large caravan and that, at age
twelve, Jesus likely had several other siblings buzzing around
mom and dad, making Jesus easy to miss until they finally
stopped to count heads.
The circumstances of Joseph’s engagement to Mary are not known,
but Jewish custom was for marriages to be arranged through the
girl’s father, typically during her teen years. Presuming Joseph
had other children at the time and was commuting the four
kilometers to Sepphoris, it is reasonable to conclude he needed
help at home and thus needed to remarry. Joseph likely
negotiated what was called “the bride price,” or wedding dowry,
with Mary’s father, and the marriage became a legal and binding
contract; not between Joseph and Mary but Joseph and Mary’s
father. In biblical Jewish marriages, the wife had absolutely no
rights, and the marriage was likely not her idea in the first
place. Had there been a scandal over Mary’s pregnancy, the
scandal would have been on her, not Joseph. In biblical times,
and under Levitical Law, men could get away with pretty much
whatever they wanted to do sexually, while women were held to a
high standard of chastity and sexual purity. A pregnant teen
like Mary would have disgraced her entire family and would have
made Mary ineligible to ever marry; the best she could hope for
was to become someone’s concubine (a servant to whom her master
has sexual rights). The peril for Joseph, on the other hand, was
to pay the father 50 pieces of silver (the Levitical penalty for
rape, Deuteronomy 22:28-29), and marry the girl or make her his
concubine.
For Joseph, Mary’s pregnancy was, therefore, more of a breach of
contract than a betrayal of romantic love. Joseph’s pride would
surely be wounded, but, beyond that, Joseph is presumed to have
been a man after God’s own heart and, therefore, likely a devout
Jew to whom sexual infidelity constituted adultery even though
the two were not yet married. Still, Joseph had compassion on
Mary and thought to send her away, likely to distant relatives,
and quietly back out of the marriage contract. Had Joseph lodged
a public complaint of adultery against Mary, not only could he
demand his money back, but Mary would likely have been dragged
to the village square and stoned to death. Quietly moving her
out of town was an act of love, as it would likely have saved
Mary’s life.
The details and timing (before the birth? After it?) of Joseph’s
wedding to Mary are not known, but Joseph did choose not to
touch Mary sexually until the birth of Jesus. Catholics and
others who accept the Doctrine of the Perpetual Virginity of
Mary believe Mary remained a virgin until her death. Joseph may
likely have died at some point before Jesus began His ministry,
as he does not appear in the bible after Jesus was twelve years
old. Had Joseph been alive at the time of Jesus’ crucifixion, it
would have been his responsibility, by Jewish custom, to take
charge of his dead son’s body. That duty instead fell to Joseph
of Arimathea, who stood in for Jesus’ father.
Instead of the simplistic “Shame on you” foolishness many of us
take away from the story of Mary and Joseph, a more accurate
view presents a story of responsibility, accountability, courage
and faithfulness. These are qualities we should all be striving,
every day, to develop.
Christopher J. Priest
14 April 2013
editor@praisenet.org
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