It's not your fault that others are jealous of you. Some people exist in silent frustration with you because you make things look easy or you have a way with words or your spirit is gentle; no matter what, certain folks only want to deal with you. At some point, we have to realize that we are playing for the same team. Our goal should be to help edify God's people and build the Kingdom. But, sometimes, we get distracted by human weakness. God's strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Our trials along the way exist only to make us patient, sure, and secure in our faith.

by Neil Brown

Can I expose for you the bitter truth that preachers can be jealous of one another? Is it ok if I bust that bubble of perfection that you have of us? Is it ok that I make us real again and humanize the people that you depend on for preachment each Sunday? It has taken years, literally, years to really get over this. It happened to me when I was really digging into preaching and trying to get better at delivery and oratorical skills and depth. I decided to work in a prison ministry with another associate minister at one of my former churches here in the city. Being brand new to preaching, I wanted to be the best that I could at it, and the only way to do that, other than preaching in the bathroom mirror, was to actually do it.

So, I figured that doing the prison ministry would be a standing engagement that would make me have to prepare a sermon. We also went one day a week for a bible study. Further preparation. Study, prayer, development and construction, oratory, getting used to standing in front of people, fielding questions and being put on the spot, etc. And that worked and helped to create disciplines that I needed in order to succeed at my calling and desire to be the best I could be. I think every preacher should have to go through the rigors of prison ministry.

Little did I know, or even realize that this methodology was working. I started to see more preaching engagements and the pastor would ask me regularly to speak at church. Combine that with the choir directing at a church with a pastor in demand and a youth choir growing by leaps and bounds, and suddenly, you have an issue that you never knew existed. As fate would have it, there was another preacher on staff, also fairly new, and making a big splash in town. He’d begun his preaching ministry a few months ahead of me. Now, let me preface...I do not claim to be so great. I do not claim to be the hero of any story, but, these confessions are about my experiences and are truth to me and gleanings that I want to share with you. Now, that said...he began a few months ahead of me. I did not know until we were going through a pastoral transition that he even had a problem with me.

I had noticed that as we went along, that he wasn't at church as much anymore. He wasn't hanging out with the pastor as much either because they were inseparable. I was being asked to speak a bit more, or in some cases, we would be on the same program at different services. He was used to *headlining* the main, but, was now getting the early services. I honestly thought nothing of it....no, really, nothing at all.

Keep Moving: Stop compromising yourself trying to appease insecure people.

Joseph's brother were actually step-brothers.

These young men were sons of Jacob (now called Israel's additional wives. I'm sure Israel loved all of his sons, but Joseph was born late in life and the old man doted on him, giving Joseph this very expensive coat "of many colors." It's important to note, in those days, you could not just run down to Burlington's and pick something like that up. The coat had to be sewn by hand and took a very long time to make. It's brilliance made Joseph stand out everywhere he went and the coat represented his father's love for him. Although blood relatives, his brothers really weren't his brothers. They were jealous of him. They hated him. And they plotted to kill Joseph, but instead sold him into slavery. That was their idea of mercy as they exacted revenge on Joseph for simply being who he was.

I didn't have a coat. Or fancy rings or any of that. What I did have was brothers. Especially this certain brother raised in ministry with me. I discovered that there was a problem as we were going through pastoral transition. It was during this time that my friend grew a bit more bold with his actions. Like, he would get up and walk out of rooms when I arrived. He would stare at me with contempt in his eyes. He would be talking in a space and when I would step in to join, he would stop talking altogether, which leads you to think that he is talking about you.

During this time, the church settled on a new pastor. I recall, when he came to visit after getting the official call from the church, he pulled me aside and told me after directing the choir that he appreciated my spirit and looked forward to working with me when arrived full time in three months. What I did not know was that the other minister had obtained his number and had been in constant contact with the new pastor.

Three months later, when the new pastor arrived, of course, mom and I went to the parsonage to welcome the new pastoral family and see if there was anything that they needed. What I noticed right away was that the other minister was already there. I also noticed that, in speaking with the new pastor, he was dismissive and abrupt. Not only to me, but, also to my mother. I chalked it up to moving and the stress of getting settled into a new place, a new state, a new church and a new flock. Seemed right didn't it? But, this behavior went on for months. A sharp increase in the other minister preaching and a sharp decrease in mine. Now, let me again inform you, that I still had the preaching engagement at the prison once every month, so, I'm not tripping over preaching time anywhere. In fact, I understand that the pulpit belongs to the pastor and that he is able to do with it whatever he wishes. He extends his hand as he wants to as he is the Angel of the house.

I cannot tell you that it didn't hurt being treated like a misfit, though. Like I was gum under their shoes. They would come to church dressed alike. Meaning, same color suits. Going to lunch together. Being at each other's houses for dinner. Things not happening with any other minister on staff. I prayed and prayed because, to some degree, I thought that it was just me. Like I had done something to earn this kind of treatment. So I asked God not to make it better, not to move me, but to do His will in my life. I asked him to increase my discernment so I could be sensitive to the spirit working within me and others. I asked God to reveal true character so I would know who I was trusting...uh oh. He delivered on that prayer. Within weeks, I began to see things happening. I began to see my fellow minister for who he was...an opportunist.

The bible story goes on to record that Joseph ended up in Egypt. First as a servant, then, ultimately, as a ruler. His faithfulness to God was rewarded and, just as Joseph had once dreamed, his brothers did indeed arrive in Egypt and bow before him. God's plan for his life could not be deterred or denied by the hand of man. And, although Joseph had every reason and, some would say, every right to hate his brothers, he showed them love, mercy and compassion. Hatred is weakness. Jealousy is weakness. We can't help the fact that we're surrounded by weak people whose insecurity manifests itself in hateful behavior. But we can find the strength, through Christ, to love them.

Within 6 months, God had moved me beyond the craziness and into another church. He (God) told me that this particular church was going to go through an upheaval and that I needed to leave. I submitted my resignation letter directly to the pastor. Little did I know that other members of the congregation had read that letter and the news began circulating quickly. I had given a specified date that I would depart, but, in a couple days, I got a letter from the pastor letting me know that I did not need to stay the three months and that he was releasing me as of the receipt of his letter.

Chaos broke out!!! Membership began asking questions. membership began demanding that he rescind his letter, make an appointment and get my name back on the roll. He buckled under the pressure. I took the meeting and explained things that I was seeing in the church that seemed suspect in terms of behavior.

He explained that he been told things about me that caused great concern. That he was not sure how to talk to me. Of course, I had to ask....Pastor, what were you told about me? He had been told that I was one to watch out for. That I was arrogant. That I was *favored* in the congregation. And that I thought that I should have been the next pastor, not him. WOW.....

So, the pastor had taken what he had heard as gospel, but, didn't bother to investigate, ask or pray about it. He harshly criticized me at every opportunity, killed my national opportunity of teaching in the National Baptist convention and told other pastors that I would not be available for preaching engagements or anything else until he was satisfied that I had been humbled. He apologized for all of that and I forgave it all. We talked further and I agreed to hang on ‘til at least the specified date on my letter. I did tell him that he had work to do to gain my trust of him because of how I had been treated, but, that I harbored no ill feelings.

He saw, now, that he had been played by an associate minister who was jealous of my ministry. As much as I would have liked to, I never confronted him about his issues with me. He went on to pastor and travel, good for him. I never looked back. When I move on, I move on. I would later discover this preacher had told other members of the church and other ministers this as well. Everything came out after the meeting with the pastor and many believed my departure was because of the jealousy of this man. But, none of them told me personally. It was some sort of gossip. it was some sort of secret.

So this confession finds me still scratching my head and going, “Err???”

I don't live in jealousy like that. But I now understand there are people who don't like you because you're you. You don't have to do anything special but be you. Sometimes how you carry yourself, sometimes how you pray, sometimes just how you show up and are perceived by others makes you a target for jealousy.

It's not your fault that others are jealous of you. Some people exist in silent frustration with you because you make things look easy or you have a way with words or your spirit is gentle; no matter what, certain folks only want to deal with you. At some point, we have to realize that we are playing for the same team. Our goal should be to help edify God's people and build the Kingdom. But, sometimes, we get distracted in our human experience.

You would never think that you would have to deal with this in the church. But, we can be so frail with our emotions in dealing with our ministries we end up doing damage that takes people years to get over. It can shake a person's confidence in themselves and their calling, making them dangerous to the body because they do not walk in the authority of that calling. Why would you damage someone like that? I'm not saying we do this intentionally, but, we can often be like a bucket of crabs.

We are supposed to stir up each other unto every good word and work, not tear apart. I suppose that this further goes to demonstrate that we are human and that we make mistakes and hurt each other without even realizing it. I forgave that preacher for stabbing me. But it didn't just hurt my back, it hurt my heart. It made it a little harder for me to trust preachers. It made it even harder for me to trust the next couple of pastors I had to work with. It made it more difficult for me to trust laity. Because, while I believe in the inherent goodness of people, I end up waiting for them to disappoint me in some way.

I know, that's not right, but, it's the truth. And I know that, if I feel like this, so do others. Folks who have been stabbed in the heart while trying to do ministry without restraint and without being labeled. Trying to be pure in motive and in deed.

In the end, Joseph got the opportunity for closure, having a little fun with his brothers when they came to Egypt during a great famine. Joseph recognized his brothers but his brothers hadn't seen Joseph since he was a boy and did not recognize him. When Joseph revealed himself to them, they were sorrowful and penitent, but Joseph forgave them and the family all moved to Egypt. Queue music. Roll credits.

Life today is a bit harder. I haven't seen my fellow minister in a long time. I suppose, on some level, I still deal with what happened way back when, but I am over it and him. I've learned, over time, that there are things we can handle and things we can't. Those things we can't belong to God, and I certainly pray my former friend has been delivered from his insecurity and jealousy.

So, I resolve to try to see the best in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt. I resolve to be more cautious with their feelings and sensitive to their ministry because they have effect on people that I may not and I realize that tampering with their ability to feel confident doing and executing their calling can cause them to stumble or even damage someone else.

Neil M. Brown
9 May 2010
holla@neilbrown.org
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