Mafioso
What Church Folk Could Learn From The Mob
Them And Us
They take an oath. There is a symbolic shedding of blood with a gun and
sword on the table. We repent—make a vow to turn away from sin. Our
shedding of blood is vicarious, carried out two millennia past. They’re
very secretive, with serious consequences for sharing confidential
information with anyone outside of their family. We are very secretive,
with “members only” business meetings, deacons posted at the sanctuary
entrances, outsiders forbidden to enter—which is not biblical. The mob
takes care of widows and orphans, they honor those who’ve sacrificed
themselves for the good of the family, especially those who took a long
prison bid rather than rat on their friends. We frequently abandon and
neglect widows—even former “first” ladies—the moment the funeral is
over. In my experience, it is the rarest of rarities to receive a phone
call from my pastor—just a health and welfare check. I was thinking of
you today, wanted to see how you’re doing. I’ve counseled pastors, again
and again, to work their phone lists. Hit a few families every week
until you reach the end of the list then start over. Just a check-in
call. Don’t *only* call your members when you need something from them
or when you’re upset with them. It’s Pavlovian: that teaches members to
associate a pastor’s call with negativity. As a pastor, you are there to
serve *them,* not the other way around.
To be a wiseguy, you have to be a member. Every so often, they open
their ranks to membership (“open the books”) and admit new members
(“straighten you out”). Not every Mafioso is a wiseguy. Most are
connected guys, which is different. Connected guys can earn a living and
certainly work for wiseguys, but a connected guy is not necessarily
under the protection of the family; he’s more or less a freelancer. A
wiseguy, on the other hand, cannot be harmed without the consent of the
family boss. This is precisely the same logic we bring to the church in
an unbiblical membership system and false militaristic hierarchy and
pecking order taken not from the bible but from Catholicism. Some
benefits are less available or outright denied unless and until someone
becomes a “member” of our church. They might be coming to the church for
years but, since they are not a “member,” they are asked to leave our
secret business meetings and are barred from full participation in other
areas. There is absolutely no scriptural foundation for this practice.
Wiseguys are deeply committed to and supportive of one another, at least
until they turn on each other as frequently occurs. Church Folk tend to
be deeply committed to and supportive of their specific clique within
the church; their circle of friends or their particular choir or small
group. Church Folk kill each other with gossip; turning confidential
information shared in love into weapons used to destroy each other when
our relationships go south, as frequently occurs.
Wiseguys have an internal code of conduct, or at least claim to. They
handle matters both personal and business related themselves, through a
counsel involved in a “sit down.” They don’t sue each other in court.
They don’t involve the police. Violating the honor code is cause for
severe fines, punishment, or even death (getting “clipped”). You don’t
screw around with another wiseguy’s wife or girlfriend (“goomah”). You
conduct your illicit business affairs honorably, with due tributes paid
to those who made your score possible and, of course, kicked up to the
captains (“Cappo Regimes”) and the bosses.
Christians are supposed to conduct themselves in a similar fashion,
handling matters both personal and business-related among ourselves.
We’re supposed to patronize one another’s businesses and keep the money
within the family. Technically speaking, we shouldn’t even keep the
money but keep only what we need and put the rest into a community pot
to support those less fortunate. We’re not supposed to keep score of
who’s been helped more than who. It all belongs to God, anyway.
Biblically, we should not own our own homes or cars but exist in a
communal fashion (Acts 2), selling everything and sharing the money as
we individually have need. We should build these massive apartment
villages, complete with fleets of cars that anyone can reserve to drive
as needed. Instead, we exhaust ourselves pursuing the
American Dream, which is not biblical, while being pressed upon to constantly
write checks to the church for the building and the pastor.
Family Is Everything: We can't sustain relationships. We can't keep our mouth shut.
Our Empty Core
Christians aren’t supposed to sue one another. We’re supposed to gather
a council of elders to arbitrate disputes and resolve differences. We
should not be taking our troubles to the police. Like the Nation of
Islam, Christin Brothers should posse up to investigate and resolve
conflicts, protect our sisters and their children. We do none of that.
We screw around with one another’s wives, we resent tithing—even those
of us flush with cash tithe only minimally.
The core of our existence should be God’s word, wherein we discover not
only truth but honor. Honor is not preached about a lot; honor and
integrity. Integrity is about denying self (selfish acts or desires,
self-gratification) in the service of a principal or ideal. We claim to
espouse a set of knowable principals, but, like Carmela Soprano, we
routinely compromise those ideals. Why? Because we’re getting something
out of that compromise, something that gratifies self, which is a lot
like heroin addiction. Self-gratification is a very tough habit to
break, which is why so many of us move through life with the burden of
hidden or secret behavior. As Christians, we should be men and women of
integrity. Like Carmela’s therapist, we should turn down blood money and
not turn a blind eye to those things that challenge our integrity. We
should have a code, a personal standard of conduct, that governs our
lives. Not the false code of religion or idolatrous Masons/Elks Club
secret pacts, but the genuine conviction only true spirituality accrues.
I will not lie. Not only will I not sleep with that man’s wife, I will
not allow myself to be alone with that man’s wife, even for a second,
even for the most benign reasons. Why? Because I accept the fact that I
am flesh and blood, and that flesh can be tempted and overwhelmed
despite my convictions. Therefore, part of my code is to armor the weak
areas of my humanity and not place myself in situations where I can be
tempted to fall into sin. Not sinning is a good thing, but we must move
beyond not sinning to *anticipating* sin and *accepting* that we are not
a strong or as super-church as we pretend to be. We are weak, broken
vessels, saved from ourselves only by God’s grace and empowered by His
Holy Spirit to live lives of worth and integrity. Part of that walk is
to treat our own humanity, what we call “the flesh,” like alcoholism.
Alcoholics accept the fact they will be alcoholics for life; they can be
tempted and overwhelmed by specific types of circumstances. Far too many
of us treat our Christian walk as if we’ve plateaued somewhere in
perfection, but our humanity, our flesh, is still with us and will
always be with us and will always tempt us.
I once told a pastor with whom I was disappointed that we pastors would
be like the Mafia: a close-knit intimate circle of trust where we hold
one another’s secrets and hold one another accountable. I should know
you have my back and you should know I have yours, regardless of the
successes and failures within our individual ministries and lives. To
some degree, I’m sure that does exist, though not always in a positive
or even Christian context. Similarly, I’ve told a closeted gay pastor
that he should start a confidential support group for gay
believers—especially those still in the closet. I believe all of
churches should have such a ministry because this is a larger
demographic than we want to believe it is; a huge populace of people
struggling with their identity and faith. A gay support group in your
church should not and actually must not be affirming of homosexuality;
neither should it be condemning of the individuals involved. This is the
model of Jesus Christ, who loved the human being despite her
circumstances [John
8:1-11], choosing to deal with the humanity distinct from
the behavior. These groups should not exist to force LGBT persons to be
straight, nor should they exist to force a church family deeply mired in
our long history of homophobia to accept homosexuality. These groups
should exist to love on *people,* to provide a safe place for *people,*
regardless of who they are or who they love, to worship and to know God
in an environment where their unique identity and struggle is openly
acknowledged.
My gay pastor friend told me neither the pastor-Mafia circle nor the
LGBT support ministry could work in our tradition, both for the same
reason: we have no honor, no code. Like Alcoholics anonymous, both
groups would rely on absolute secrecy and mutual trust. Church Folk run
their mouth. Church Folk fall out with one another and start posting
confidential and embarrassing secrets to Facebook. He said no closeted
gay person would risk coming to one of those sessions because the
confidentiality would only last as long as the often volatile Church
Folk relationships. Similarly, pastors confessing their faults to one
another is a huge risk to run, especially considering many if not most
of our pastors’ number one priority is their weekly paycheck. That’s the
main thing most of these guys are concerned about because far too many
of our pastors treat their pastorate as a kind of ersatz retirement.
It’s an easy gig, if you only meet the bare contractual minimums the job
calls for. I know a lot of pastors who are terrified of losing their
pastorate because they haven’t worked a real job in decades and now
they’re too old and been out of the job market too long to start over.
They’ll do anything to hang onto their pastor gig, which means they are
absolutely useless to God because too many of them are run around by
their own congregations—censoring their sermons and not preaching or
teaching anything that might upset the congregants who pay their salary.
This behavior, of course, has nothing whatsoever to do with God. It is
also the main reason why there simply is not trust. We have no code, no
honor. Honor means you will keep your word, keep your mouth shut, in
season as well as out of it. Honor means keeping your word even when
nobody else is keeping theirs. Honor means holding sacrosanct the
confidence, the secrets, of your members, friends, and pastors. Even
when they disappoint you. Even when they fall out with you. You do not
have the right to lash out, or to punk out and post nonsense to
Facebook. This is what it means to be a Christian. This area is our
greatest deficit: honor. It’s not taught. It’s not preached about. It is
not valued. The minute we fall out with one another, we instantly begin
behaving like little children. And not little boys but little girls.
Little bitches. Yesterday we were catching vapors and falling out and
hollering in tongues. Today we’re little bitches. I’d never, ever, tell
a black pastor or black Church Folk anything I didn’t want to read in
the newspaper. I’d never trust any one of them with anything more
private than that. What we could learn from the Mob is to close the
circle; to separate ourselves from people and behaviors that exist
outside of our code. To resolve our own conflicts within the family and
to love and support one another.
Working It Out: Keeping it in the Family: the sit-down.
Knock Knock
Most of us find the media's glamorization of what is clearly
dysfunctional anti-social behavior titillating and seductive. Having
spent real time downwind of a few honest to gosh goodfellas, I can tell
you here's really not a lot of glamour there, just very hard work
burdened by suspicion and paranoia. Like our own dysfunctional behavior,
theirs is a product of tribalism: it's what they know, it beats driving
a bus. Like our distortion of Christianity, their traditions seem normal
and make perfect sense to them. The talking heads on TV suggest the old
school code of honor has been deeply degraded, so the militaristic and
cultural artifacts of mob life may no longer be as strictly adhered to
as they once were. I wish ours were being adhered to even marginally.
The notion that un-Christlike behavior might earn you a visit from Tony
Two Shoes—that we actually have a code and hold one another accountable
to it—might alert some of us to the shame and disgrace we heap upon
Someone Who suffered and shed blood for us. That ought to be enough to
remind us who we are and what price was paid to make that possible.
Instead, far too many of us simply cruise through life throwing out
Jesus' name as it suits us—and thus implying integrity, patience, peace,
resolve, and, yes, honor—while actually demonstrating none of those
qualities. In the Mob, that would get you clipped. We are fortunate
beyond all reason that God's grace doesn't work that way.
Christopher J. Priest
26 January 2014
editor@praisenet.org
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