Gone.

The Awful Truth About Divorce

Divorce And The Bible

Most anyone who's been divorced will, inevitably, be confronted with this passage of scripture:

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery. —Luke 16:18

Divorce has become fairly well accepted within the church, even pastors who’ve had two or even more ex-wives. Where, once upon a time, divorce was the ultimate Christian scarlet letter, it is now commonplace, with many people treating their marriages in much the same way that teens treat their dating relationships. Even the absurd secular notion of a “first” marriage being a “trial” marriage has crept into the young adult lexicon of many churches.

What irks me is the cafeteria-style pick-and-choose Christianity many of us practice. The kind that holds fast to archaic language condemning homosexuals to lives of shame while dismissing clearly unassailable language of our Savior on the seriousness of the marriage vow. Once again, we choose which scripture we’ll pay attention to and which we’ll dismiss, characterizing Paul’s benign acceptance of slavery as a product of his day while locking in Paul’s misogynistic rejection of women in ministry as timeless and relevant.

Well, the way I see it, either you believe the Bible or you don’t. If you do, then you need to believe all of it, and not hack it to pieces for your own benefit. Not turn away from tough scriptural passages when the going gets rough for you and not use the thing to condemn or oppress people on Sunday while you allow yourself to skate on other passages Saturday night. If you’re going to use the word of God as a legalistic benchmark, the be prepared for that standard to apply to you as well.

Alternatively, we need to approach God’s word as a blueprint for our lives, studying it so we know the difference between Paul’s personal preferences and observations and his pastoral instruction to specific churches at specific times. We should prayerfully let God’s word guide us into God’s truth, not our truth, recognizing that, as a legal document, as rule of law, the Bible presents a standard of holiness we are incapable of achieving in and of ourselves.

That is why we need Jesus. Not to excuse divorce which, after all, is indeed failure and sin, but to justify, or complete, us. Not justify as in “justice” but as the archaic language meant “fill in the gap” between who we are as flawed humanity and the holiness a holy God requires.

And, while we’re all working these complex issues out, we should stop whacking one another over the head with the Bible and pointing fingers and ostracizing one another for failing to lead perfect lives. We should forgive one another and embrace one another and have patience with one another as we continue to press towards the mark of our higher calling.

I wanted to say something profound,

either privately or in public, to acknowledge this passing of time. Now stranded at my keyboard, I'm not entirely sure I have much profundity about this moment other than that the fireworks going off have a more sinister meaning for me, and the cheery revelry only reminds me of those tail lights ten years ago.

I suppose she is reading this. I certainly would be reading her website if I knew where to find it. I should tell her that I really am happy. I really do love Colorado, with all of its annoying social anachronism. I have family and friends here. People I cherish. The laughter of children. Fresh air, a sky that is unparalleled and God's mountains. I have music and laughter and good books and so much love. I am doing well.

There is not ever a single day that goes by that I do not think of her, that I do not miss her. And, if I could figure out, for certain, how to make things work between us, I would stop at nothing to win her back. Short of that certain remedy, the whole pursuit would be selfish. I can only wish her happiness and peace, as either Ms. Somebody or Mrs. Somebody. As somebody's mommy. I wish her the happiness we were all promised by our mothers, and the happy ending every good story deserves.

Those years with her were the very best years of my life. I have absolutely no regrets, other than that I wasn't quick enough to grab hold of the gossamer before it got away.

Christopher J. Priest
5 July 2003 Original
5 July 2013 Page One
editor@praisenet.org
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Christians And Divorce

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Most Americans get married at some point in their life: just one out of five adults (22%) has never been married. Among those who have said their wedding vows, one out of three have been divorced at least once, according to a new study from The Barna Group.

Marriage Is the Norm
In addition to finding that four out of every five adults (78%) have been married at least once, the Barna study revealed that an even higher proportion of born again Christians (84%) tie the knot. That eclipses the proportion among people aligned with non-Christian faiths (74%) and among atheists and agnostics (65%).

Divorce Is Widespread
Among adults who have been married, the study discovered that one-third (33%) have experienced at least one divorce. That means that among all Americans 18 years of age or older, whether they have been married or not, 25% have gone through a marital split.

The study showed that the percentage of adults who have been married and divorced varies from segment to segment. For instance, the groups with the most prolific experience of marriage ending in divorce are downscale adults (39%), Baby Boomers (38%), those aligned with a non-Christian faith (38%), African-Americans (36%), and people who consider themselves to be liberal on social and political matters (37%).

Among the population segments with the lowest likelihood of having been divorced subsequent to marriage are Catholics (28%), evangelicals (26%), upscale adults (22%), Asians (20%) and those who deem themselves to be conservative on social and political matters (28%).

Born again Christians who are not evangelical were indistinguishable from the national average on the matter of divorce: 33% have been married and divorced. The survey did not determine if the divorce occurred before or after the person had become born again. However, previous research by Barna has shown that less than two out of every ten people who accept Christ as their savior do so after their first marriage.

In fact, when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into an aggregate class of born again adults, their divorce figure is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32% versus 33%, respectively.

Thirty percent of atheists and agnostics had been married and subsequently divorced. However, the three-point difference from the national average was within the range of sampling error, suggesting that their likelihood of experiencing a dissolved marriage is the same as that of the population at-large. A representative from Barna also pointed out the atheists and agnostics have lower rates of marriage and a higher likelihood of cohabitation, a combination of behaviors that distort comparisons with other segments. The Barna Group

The Break Up
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