A Woman's Place
Gender Bias In The House of God
The “Co-Pastor”
Many "first" ladies, perhaps lost in their husband’s shadow, or
perhaps lacking his attention at home and/or at a loss for real
direction and meaning in their own lives, badger their husbands
into making them “co-pastor.” I am deeply suspicious of the
husband and wife “co-pastor” arrangement. Any “co-pastor”
arrangement has, at best, shaky scriptural ground. I suspect
incidents of married couples who have genuinely been called to
the pastorate at the same time and place are exceedingly rare.
My strong suspicion is, more often than not, it’s the Tammy Faye
syndrome. The bizarre and clearly disturbed wife of
televangelist Jim Bakker, Tammy Faye grew increasingly
discontented with simply being Jim’s wife, and eventually
bulldozed her way into being Jim’s full on-air partner, despite
the fact she had no real pastoral training or that her very
presence—in full Michael Jackson clown pancake and drippy
eyeliner—greatly undermined her husband’s credibility by
reducing his once-serious ministry to a laughing stock. But, I
don’t blame Tammy Faye for that. I blame Jim. I blame his
weakness and his willingness to sacrifice his ministry just to
appease his wife.
This is what too many of these “co-pastor” deals are really
about—appeasing the wife who has no real goals or pursuits of
her own. She demands a piece of the action and he caves in just
to keep peace in the home. The fact is, if these women were
actually called to pastor, they’d already be pastoring or at
least be somewhere along that goal, when they married in the
first place. Many if not most of the women “co-pastors” had no
interest in or thought about pastoring until their husbands
became successful at it, and being His Wife was eventually not
enough for her. What many pastors fail to realize is, by
promoting her to “co-pastor,” he’s lost the confidence and faith
of a great many members who now see him as henpecked and weak.
There are the rare exception of women who were called to pastor
and who made their husbands “co-pastor” to appease his
ego or the expectations of the church. This is equally
misguided.
Please understand me: sisters, if you feel called to pastor, by all
means, pastor. But the office of the pastor is a sacred
trust, not to be taken lightly and not to be entered into simply
because your husband is not showing you enough attention. Women
preachers and pastors need to prove their work in ways different
and set apart from men. They need to prove theirs is an act of
obedience rather than rebellion. They must not simply emulate
men but create a new and unique work, one that men cannot do.
Pastors' wives should apprentice at some ministry across country
or even in another land, serving somewhere else for a season.
She should get training and experience and run the gauntlet,
perhaps at a ministry less endowed than your own, less
comfortable than your own. This is the only way she will
discover her own gifts and her own passion for ministry outside
of the comforts of home and the presumptive respect her home
church offers her. she needs to experience being an absolute
nobody that nobody ever heard of. It is impossible for anyone to
grow well-rounded pastoral chops at home. They will either be
snickered at, condescended to, or applauded for the sake of the
pastor.
Ministers need real-world experience. Pastors' wives, if they want to be taken seriously as co-pastors, need to go earn their rank somewhere where people are not fawning over them. This way, when you present her to the church, you can present a credible candidate and not a spoiled soccer mom simply tired of Oprah. If she truly is ordained to this purpose, the experience and perspective she will return with will prove invaluable to your ministry. If this is just some whim of a child vying for more attention or a self-esteem fix, a year or so in the trenches will bring that out, and she can quietly retire from her “co-pastor” notion with a minimum of embarrassment. Most pastors, however, will cave to the wife’s pressure and appoint an untried, untrained and undisciplined person—someone who has never even functioned as a minister—as “co-pastor.” This is a capitulation to a needy woman, a betrayal of your vows to God and an abdication of your responsibility to the church. It does not, in the long run, help her or address what’s really wrong with her; her insecurity, her neediness, and the obvious problems in her marriage this absurd elevation signals. Any woman who insists that you do so is not acting within God’s purpose and is, certainly, not submitted to your leadership as either pastor or husband. In which case, the most disastrous thing you could do is place her in authority over the church.
My Roommate Puts Up With A Lot:
she's minding her own business when suddenly a light is placed
next to her and a camera it thrust in her face....and she doesn't move out.
A Woman's Place
Because she can cross gender lines more easily than men, the women of the church enjoy special advantages, some discussed here, that are essential. In most churches, women are the clear majority. Women can engage, unsupervised, with children of both genders. Women can certainly function in any capacity in the church, including the deaconate which we traditionally limit to men because of our insistence on handcuffing scripture to the cultural norms of the times in which the revelation was given. The term "deaconess" is arch (ridiculous bordering on comical), a word invented out of the extremes we will go to to miss the point of scripture. They chose men in Acts Chapter 6 because these were the kinds of tasks men performed. They still are. I don't want to see a sister up on a ladder or loading heavy boxes just so they can prove a point. But barring women from the deaconate on scriptural grounds is faulty doctrine.
I would, however, prefer to see the sister function in a role uniquely hers. Not just because of her gender but because of who she is a s a person. I'd want to see the right fit for the right glove, and not see sisters turn away from areas where they are essential. Women have super-powers. They can walk into the ladies room and, when necessary, the men's room. Women can call and/or visit single women at home and check on them without creating a stir. Women can drive kids of any gender home. A smiling male greeter can be effective, but men can provoke anxiety in greeting single women, who go Shields Up whenever a man approaches. A sister posted at the door is immune to those defenses.
She should preach if God is speaking through her. She should teach if she has the anointing. She should sing only if she is humble and broken. If her insecurity has her always seeking the spotlight, if she's wearing her vanity on her sleeve with overly-long, ridiculous demonstrations where a prayer or a simple greeting should go, Pastor should be discerning enough to realize that and wise enough to save her from herself.
I don't believe there should be limits on what a person can do for God. At the end of the day, it is not what we do or what we say that counts, but our motives. God responds to our motives, for the reasons why a sister wants to preach or wants to be a deacon. if it's just to show up the men or prove a point, God is not in that. when God is actually in something, He shows out. He makes Himself known. I believe He routinely makes Himself known in the lives, in the smile, in the eyes of our sisters. At which point it becomes our obligation to submit to God, to His obvious anointing, to get out of the way and watch her work.
Christopher J. Priest
28 August 2011 page one
30 January 2006
editor@praisenet.org
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