Joan
The Season of Marriage For God's Chosen Women
I am not anti-marriage.
But most of us use it in the wrong way.
We go into it during the wrong season, for the wrong reason, stay in it for the wrong
reasons and give up on it too soon. The real test of love isn’t
committing to marry but committing to love—to be there, to
endure. Real love wants nothing less than the fulfillment of a
loved one’s potential.
Jesus never commanded us to go and be married. When Jesus spoke
of marriage He was referring to Himself as the bridegroom [Rev.
19:8] and His Church as the bride. I doubt Jesus was
anti-marriage, but His focus, His example to us, was doing the
will of God. If marriage was as important as we make it, so much
so that we marry two, three, four times, then why didn't Jesus
marry? His ministry did not begin until He was thirty—He
could easily have married at twenty, at twenty-five. Why didn't
He? The Catholic Church presumes a celibate lifestyle as
Christ's example, but I don't think that's it. I believe Jesus
denied Himself in order to prioritize God's work, His mission,
over his human needs. Not everyone is chosen for this kind of
sacrifice. But for those who hear the call, you can't have it
both ways. You can't have that passion for God's work and invest
your resources and energy in your own comfort. You do God's work first.
You seek His righteousness first. You become faithful to His
purpose first. Then, having your priorities in order, He will
fill in those emotional and materialistic spaces as He will
[Matthew 6:33].
There is a stress test involved: if your emotional, physical;
and/or material needs tempt you to compromise your mission, your
vision from God, then those things are not from God. For those
who chose Christ, who answer His call, those things are
secondary considerations. They have their place, but they do
not tempt us, do not distract us.
There will be no marriage in Heaven. Which is not to say investing in your marriage is a waste of time, but it is to put the whole deal in a broader perspective. Jesus was asked a complicated question about heaven by the Sadducees (a religious sect that did not believe in the resurrection of the dead) that directly leads to this conclusion. The Sadducees gave a scenario of a woman who married seven men (sequentially, since they all died prematurely) in her lifetime. They asked whose wife she would be in heaven. Jesus answered:
You are mistaken, not understanding the Scriptures, or the
power of God.
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor
are given in marriage, but
are like angels in heaven. —Matthew
22:29-30
In other words, there will be no marriage or sexual differences among those in heaven, since reproduction is unnecessary. This concept is supported by other biblical verses that indicate that males and females are spiritually equal. The same concept applies to the races. I doubt that there will be racial differences in heaven.
I am not anti-love.
I am anti-stupid love. Stupid Love leads you away from God, away from your calling. It sets up roadblocks and adds complication, puts up obstacles. This is not from God. But we're so lonely, so needy, so afraid to be alone that we see this nonsense as a gift, as a blessing. The enemy will exploit any weakness you have. Your loneliness. Your gullibility. If we were sober and not drunk with infatuation, we'd see all the layers of complication the relationship puts between us and our calling, and we'd see it for what it is. If this "love" is indeed a gift of God, is it the right season? we need to recognize not only the gift but the time.
I believe far too much greatness gets squandered over this business. Psychologists commonly agree that being in love is a kind of insanity. It is unwise to make life decisions while in the throes of this mental illness, of passion or infatuation, what some call "new" love. Love needs to be tested. Relationships need to be grounded in reality and not spun out of gossamer. The day after you pour concrete, it looks solid, it feels firm. But you are still not supposed to walk on it. Though it looks stable, concrete needs time to cure, to harden all the way through and provide a sure foundation. The only thing that can cure concrete is time. The only real test of love and commitment is time.
Are you called? Were you chosen? Then why are you heading to the nursery or the kitchen? Is it nursery season? Kitchen season? This is my biggest problem with women preachers. They talk all that yang but they lack discipline. They flutter off, squandering their credibility, time, money, and frankly themselves, the minute some guy—saved or unsaved—winks at them. Many of my sister ministers are simply unreliable because their emotion, all that nonsense Mommy taught them, is like a ticking bomb.
Turn on the nearest TV
and you'll see clear evidence that these are, absolutely, the last days. Now, if God hasn't called you to do anything, by all means have a seat on the sofa. But if you have a nagging, haunting, relentless vision from God, a driving force in your life, a stirring in your soul, why on earth are you out shopping for bridesmaid dresses? Is that what God called you to do? Oh, but I Love Him. In which case you're putting boo first. This makes you unworthy of Jesus Christ, in which case, yes, toast would be appropriate. And, one day, 40 will hit you and you'll wonder what the rush was, and you'll see all the missed opportunities, all the battles that were not only not won but not even fought because you were too busy with your head up your skirt.
Marriage is indeed honorable, but too many of you sisters use marriage as a crutch. You're looking at a clock or looking at a calendar and some even feel embarrassment if they're not hitched by thirty or whatever. Most of that is childishness and immaturity. God has a work for you. A work uniquely and divinely appointed just for you. And you're walking away from the battle because you've got pixie dust in your eyes and your drawers are on fire. And you think this nonsense is from God, is God's gift to you. As if God would inspire you to greatness and then lead you in the exact opposite direction. Is God dyslexic? Is God double-minded? Does God lie? Anything, anyone, that leads you away from what God has called you to do is—write this down someplace—not of God. He may be a godly man, but he is not listening to God. For, if he were actually hearing God he wouldn't be trying to pry the sword out of your hands. He wouldn't be in a rush to the altar or to the bedroom or the nursery.
Marriage is a covenant between three people: you, him, and God. It should be openly, soberly, prayerfully and thoroughly discussed. There should be fasting and prayer and counseling and time apart for reflection. Marriage should never be some stunt he pops on you like a bear trap that snaps your leg in half while you're walking through the woods. Despite what you've seen on TV, a marriage proposal should not be a bolt out of the blue and you abandon everything you claim to be in Christ and leap into his arms. This is what children do. If your fella were actually listening to God he would see you for who you are and, more important, for Whose you are. He would recognize you have battles to win. He would know whether or not this is your season. I don't care how good or how right it feels. The enemy is in the good and right-feeling business, sister. You are being deceived and led astray. We do not judge the things of God by how they feel, but we try those things by God's Holy Word and by His Spirit.
Marriage is bondage. It's supposed to be the good kind of bondage, but make no mistake about it: it is a lifelong bond. Nobody actually treats it like that anymore, most of us treat marriage like we're going steady. We don't honor the covenant. We enter into it without prayer, without consecration. Our eyes all a flutter. Oh, But I Love Him. If God is not speaking to you, then, sure, by all means, head down to Sam's Club and stock up on Pampers. But, if you hear God calling, and you turn your back on Him, or you tell Him, "Wait a sec," or, "I'll be right with you after the honeymoon, after we're settled in the new house, after the baby..." then you are not worthy of Him. "I'll follow you, Lord," the man said, "just as soon as I bury my father."
We are all called. But if you are chosen, you need to embrace that calling and the sacrifice it demands of you. There is no commitment without sacrifice, without discipline. Otherwise, you're just like the rest of these so-called women preachers—all mouth. Like infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of doctrine [Ephesians 4]. Shake off this childishness and outpace your loneliness and temptation. Give boo a kiss, grab your sword and get in the game. If it's really love, he'll be there when the battle is over. If it's not, isn't it better to find that out now?
Joan, your destiny awaits.
Christopher J. Priest
22 May 2011
editor@praisenet.org
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